Since the passing of my Grandmother, I have received several emails with words of support for this delicate time of transition. Thank you to everyone who has expressed their Love. As I shared in an earlier post, I have been in an altered state of being- perhaps what an out of body experience is like, as it has felt like I am somewhat floating along each day.
There is a beauty to this raw and vulnerable newness that I am experiencing. It is unlike anything I have felt before, and I must say, it has been a painful, yet amazing journey so far.
One of the greatest gifts that I have seen unfold during this time is my new relationship with receiving. For some of us, it is in our nature to give, and, as a Woman who has a tendency to give until I feel depleted, receiving is a concept that has felt unnatural, guilt-ridden and manipulative. Because I have only known 50% of the cycle of giving and receiving- and that 50% has been out of balance, I have not known the beauty of truly receiving.
With the death of the Matriarch in my family, I have felt absolutely stripped of anything and everything- I have been incapable of giving to anyone. And in my emptiness, I have experienced the state of no agenda and no ego.
In my absolute existence, where I am neither the Seeker nor the Sought, in this place of just BEING, I allowed myself to truly open my Heart, and I decided to surrender to the pain rather than fight it or resist it. I made the choice to face my grief and I let go.
And this is when the receiving began to pour in.
In all my years of cultivating friendship and connection, I never realized that I have had a resistance to letting love in. I have put up a wall, a block, an excuse and a story to stop people from truly seeing ME. I have halted the gift of receiving a praise, a gift, a gesture or a moment by whisking it away quickly or not fully letting the compliment sink in before I have returned the ‘favor.’ By doing this, I have stunted the cycle of sincerely receiving, which means, I have stunted the cycle of fully giving.
Now I see the importance of the Balance.
When we come from a place of true gifting, where we are neither taking nor depleted; when we allow ourselves to fully give and receive from a place of deep and honest Love, we allow the cycle of giving and receiving to fully complete itself.
And this is when we are in Balance with the Rhythm of Creation.
This is just the Beginning, Sister. But I am here to tell you NOW- it’s okay to receive.
~ Amy Jones
WE Love You!
The WAW Pack